The Christmas gift

Me: ''Look Mister M! There's a Christmas gift for you! »

''Oh, so Santa FINALLY picked my gift. What is it? A toaster?''

Me: ''No! It's a gift from Grandma.''

''Really? What is it?''

Me: ''I don't know. I guess you'll have to open it.''

''It's not a kitten, right? Like on the front of the bag?''

Me: ''I don't know... Why are you asking? Wouldn't you like a kitten?''

''You must be kidding me.''

Me: ''What are you doing?''

''I like this paper. Is it my gift?''

''Red is my favourite colour.''

Me: ''No kitty... Here's your gift.''

''A big bag of treats?!''

''Turkey flavour...''

''I'm so moved! Thank you Grandma! You made my dream come true!''

Me: ''We'll take your picture and send it to Grandma.''

''Yes.''

''My treats. My wonderful, tasty little treats...''

Me: ''Wait! I didn't take the picture yet!''

 ''AAaaaaaaaaarrrggghhhhh!!''

''Miiiiiiine!''

Me: ''Hold on Tiger! I'll give you one.''

 ''Oh my God.''

 ''Nomnomnom...''

Me: ''Now I'll put the bag away. You'll get another treat tonight.''

''Don't forget it's MY gift. Nobody else is allowed to eat MY treats.''

Me: ''We won't eat your treats for sure!''

''By the way, when did you give me the first one? It is tonight already?''

Me: ...

A (not so) Merry Christmas

Me: ''Isn't our Christmas tree beautiful?''

''No.''

Me: ''You don't like it?! Why?''

''It makes me sad. Because it reminds me that you chose to spend Christmas with your family...''

''Instead of ME.''

Me: ''Ooooh, but I'll only be gone for a few days. And it's not like you're going to be alone here.''

''Just go. Have fun with your so-called family...''

Me: ''Don't be sad Mister M... I'm still here! I'm not leaving until tomorrow or the next day...''

''To me, it's like you've already gone.''

Me: ...

Daydreaming

Me: ''Hi Mister M! Daydreaming again? What are you thinking about?''

''Summer...''

Me: ''Oh yeah. You miss it already, don't you?''

''Yesssss...''

Me: ''Playing in the garden...''

''Chasing the birdies...''

Me: ''Sunbathing on the balcony...''

''With you, massaging my head, giving me sips of Frappuccino...''

Me: ''No Frappuccino for you my sweet. Next summer, I'll use something else to cool you down.''

''What? Ice cream?''

Me: ''No. The water hose.''

(censored)

The lamp of Mister M.

 Me: ''What are you doing here?''

''It's freezing outside. You said I could stay inside.''

Me: ''Yes, but you know you're not supposed to climb on this couch.''

''I'm just sitting like a statue. What's wrong with that?''

Me: ''This is leather. You have claws.''

''So? You have long nails. What's your point?''

Me: ''Get down, please.''

''Wait. I just wanted to have a closer look...''

Me: ''At what?''

''This. This beautiful shiny thing.''

Me: ''The lamp? You wanted to look at the lamp?''

''Yes. I think it's fabulous.''

Me: ...

''Come on, Lamp. Shine for me.''

''I want to see the light.''

Me: ''What are you doing? It's not like the lamp is going to obey you.''

''It won't?! Why??''

Me: ''It's an object. You have to switch it on.''

''Then switch it on, Owner. You're not an object. You can obey me. I mean, you must obey me.''

Lunchtime

''What's that smell?''

Me: ''It's my lunch...''

''Bring your plate closer, I want to see.''

''Here, closer. Put it right in front of me.''

Me: ''There you go.''

''Oh my god! It looks delicious...''

''I want some...''

Me: ''No, sorry kitty.''

''Why?''

Me: ''Cats don't eat spaghetti.''

''But you give pieces of chicken to the dog. You even give him bits of croissant.''

Me: ''It's not the same.''

''What do I have to do? You want me to shake a paw, like doggie does?''

Me: ''What? No!''

''You always say Sit! before giving food to the dog. Look, I'm sitting. Now, give me my spaghetti.''

Me: ...

Disappointment

Me: ''Guess what Mister M? I received a letter for you... from Santa.''

''What?! Santa wrote to ME???!! What does it say?''

Me: ''Wait, I'll read it to you. Dear Mister Minoune, I wish to thank you for your letter. Unfortunately, I will not be able to bring you 50 LIVE mice, as requested.''

''Sounds suspicious. Are you sure Santa wrote this?''

Me: ''Yes, of course! Let me read the rest. Secondly, I heard that you were not very good this year.'' 

''That's hearsay.''

Me: ''Therefore, you will have to be satisfied with the present I will personally choose for you. I wish you a very merry Christmas. - Santa Claus.''

''I don't see how a 200-year-old man can choose a gift that's appropriate for a cat.''

''Not very good this year... Pfffffffff...''